Guys - missing a dad?

Home

Growing Up Without a Father's Influence

Terry Miller grew up in the small town of Thurmont, Md., in the 1940s and 1950s. His recent memoir, The Mountain Beyond, details the values that were instilled in him during that period of his life as well as his struggles growing up with absentee parents. In this Q&A with Miller, he discusses how he overcame those struggles and learned to be a real man.

New Man: Growing up without a father’s influence is hard for any child, especially for a young boy. How did the men in your community help fill the void created by your father’s absence?

Miller: Working for businessmen in the community helped form a work ethic in me that has lasted a lifetime. Every man I worked for worked hard and was honest in his dealings. No matter what the obstacles, they instilled in me to first get the job done and then rest. They had purpose in their lives and taught me how to be responsible. When I erred, there were consequences, and I paid the price for my actions.

My senior year in high school was racked with rebellion. I was angry at the world and lashed out at everyone and everything. Different men from all walks of life believed in me and encouraged me in lots of different ways. I was still full of anger, but I steadily came back to a desire to better myself and be a productive member of society. They showed me I had worth and value.

New Man: The Mountain Beyond tells the story of growing up in small-town America in the 1940s and 1950s. Why is the image of a mountain so significant to that story?

Miller: The mountains were very prevalent in my growing-up years. I often climbed them to escape from the realities of life. It was something I could do alone without the influence of another being. Each step was mastered at my own pace—no pressure, no expectations of whether or not I was doing it correctly, just my way. When I reached the top, it was exhilarating to look out at the vistas of the scenery below. At the same time, the climb represented life. I encountered obstacles that I had to overcome. My hierarchy of needs was met along the way until finally, I conquered the climb. I savored the sweet aroma of victory, every minute of it.

New Man: Even though the events in The Mountain Beyond took place more than 50 years ago, some of your family struggles sound all too familiar to modern readers. Tell us about your parents. Who raised you?

Miller: My father was raised in Philadelphia. His father came from Belfast, Ireland, and was an Anglican priest. As a young man, my father contracted tuberculosis and came to Maryland where the mountain air would be beneficial to his health. Art and writing became my father’s interest as well as his livelihood. He met my mother, who was part of a local-heritage family who made their living in the greenhouse business. She became a part of the workforce in the business. Following marriage, my parents bore three children—a girl first, then a boy and finally another boy: me!

For reasons unknown to me, alcohol took over my father’s life, eventually creating the separation of my parents and their eventual divorce. Turmoil amongst the family created much disharmony. My mother eventually remarried and moved to another town. My upbringing was turned over to my grandmother—with whom I lived—aunts and uncles as well as other “people in the village.” My father never remarried and was absent from my life for many years, even though he only lived in a town 16 miles from my home.

New Man: I think we can all agree that our country, and really the entire world, is in a mess right now. What are some values you learned growing up that people in America should rediscover?

Miller: First and foremost, I feel the institution of marriage should not be taken lightly. Couples need to understand that when two people of the opposite sex are united in marriage, it is a serious step and that they should seek God-centered marriage counseling before taking the plunge. The uniting needs a lifetime commitment that is not driven by physical attraction only, but has a focus on ways the marriage will last by building it on faith and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ. Place priorities as: God first, family second and work third.

When dealing with the struggles of climbing life’s mountains, it is more important to focus on the victories achieved along the way. Each trial can evolve into personal growth and lasting spiritual strengths if we look to God for direction and what He has in store for us to learn through the trial.

All of us will leave a legacy as we go through life, whether we like it or not. Why not make it one where our family will say, along with God, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Ask yourself, “If I wrote my own obituary, what would it say?” Make a positive statement about our life by walking the talk that we share with others. Make a stand for what is right and honorable. Stand for a value system that will bring honor to the world we live in and leave a positive mark for others to follow. If we don’t stand for something, we will fall for anything!

To purchase The Mountain Beyond, click here.

via newmanmag.com

Posted via web from Dennis's posterous